this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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