I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
