I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
