I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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