I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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