I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
