Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
