Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
