I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
