So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
