so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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