Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
