Where did you get a picture of my penis
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
