she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The air taste purple.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
