I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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