I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
