did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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