I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
