I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Green mimosas i think yes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
