So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
