I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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