I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
