I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
