you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
