High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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