I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
