He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
