Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
