I think I won the penis lottery.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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