she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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