glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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