My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sext me about skeletons
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
