u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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