it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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