she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
