Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
