If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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