The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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