: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
