I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
