I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
