her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
