"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
