i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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