Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
