I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
