We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
