I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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