just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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