my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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