I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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