alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You are the jesus of drinking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
