I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
