Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
